It’s the strangest feeling…
I’m looking at my cat, sleeping peacefully at my side. He’s curled up, paw covering his mouth and nose, so that I can only see his soft white fur and his eyes closed tight. His breathing is slow and steady. I look at him and fight the tears. I look at him and in a childish way wish, deep in my heart, that he could get better and live longer. Nineteen years he has been my buddy, traveling with me from 13 to 32. I look at him, imagine life without him, and daydream that he makes a surprise recovery and continues to sleep at my side for a while longer. Memories run through my mind of times past, funny stories, battle scars and like photographs they flip in front of my eyes.
I’m looking at my cat, sleeping soundly by my side, and think about the last few weeks and the next few. I see his soft white fur, his steady breathing, and quietly wish that he could just go like this…peacefully in his sleep. No more suffering, no more decay, no more cancer, no needles, no dreaded moment hearing the veterinarian’s car pull up in the drive way – just peace.
In the same breath I want him to live forever and die in his sleep.
Death is hard.
August 27, 2011 9:59 pm